I doubt anyone not living under three tonnes of rock have heard that Paris Hilton is in jail, and personally I could not be happier. If there is something that bitch deserves it’s being locked up in a small cell, away from the general public.
Of course, if I were in charge I’d cover the floor and walls in her cell with napalm and watch her burn as I scream “Is THAT hot motherfucker?!”
Seriously though, these things would make my day:
Paris Hilton gets shanked. She doesn’t necessarily have to die or anything, just get a few quick stabs to the stomach. Let her try to be all smug when she is pooping in a bag.
Paris Hilton is forced to watch the clip of Sarah Silverman make fun of her sentence 24 hours a day, causing her to snap. (Paris Hilton snap? Oh that’s a stretch)
Rumors say that Paris has stopped eating. Keep it up bitch! With her girth she should be dead within a few hours.
Did I say making Paris watch Sarah Silverman would be fun? Scratch that, make her listen to her own god damn record 24/7 instead. There is only so much “Stars are blind” one can take. Personally, I have a brain aneurysm after 6 seconds.
So, in conclusion: Good luck Paris. I will love you no matter what you do. You are a beautiful human being, and the world would be a better place if more people were like you.
No wait, that was wrong. Fuck you Paris! Yeah, that sounds more like me.