Dear Sarah Palin…

October 3, 2008

…IT’S NOT PRONOUNCED NUCULAR! Jesus Christ, NEW-CLEAR. NEW-CLEAR!!!

I swear to God I will pistol whip someone if she keeps that up.

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Oh republicans, how you make me laugh…

August 31, 2008

So, the one consistent noise coming from republicans lately is that Barack Obama is not ready to lead. He has too little experience and can not expect to handle the pressure of being president. This “argument” is pretty much blown out of the water now. Why? I’ll tell you why:

Sarah Palin.

McCain, in another senior moment chose Sarah Palin, a nobody from fucking Alaska for VP.
I have to give it to him though, it’s pretty ballsy to choose someone with pretty much the same qualifications as a potted plant for that position. Especially when your whole campaign is based on the experience you have. Ballsy indeed.

What fascinates me most is what republicans on internet forums I visit think about this. “Oh it’s so refreshing he chose someone (A woman no less) not corrupted by Washington”.
Hmm…hypocrite much? Here is an idea. I’ll nominate my cat for the position. I’m sure she isn’t corrupted by Washington either AND she is female.

And think about this people. McCain is like 8 eons old. It’s just a matter of time before his steam powered pacemaker (Or as he likes to call it, the newfangled ticker apparatus) gives up and leaves Mrs Palin in charge. Awesome.


2 years…

August 5, 2008

…and counting. I love you honey.


I don’t believe it…

June 8, 2007

A medical condition. A MEDICAL CONDITION?! What medical condition, too much fucking air in her head?! Just as I was doing my victory dance in the nude around the apartment, my wife finds out that Paris Hilton has been released from prison. After 3 days.

ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

Her cell was aparently cold. Wow. Just wow. Now, I’m no expert at jails, unlike Paris Hilton I’ve never been in one, but for the love all that is holy and sacred and good in the world, what the fuck did she expect?

You know what this is? I’ll tell you what this is. This is the law enforcement bending over and letting the grand dipshit that is Paris Hilton take them up the ass. It’s basically saying “Oh we don’t mind. Do whatever you please. We won’t stop you. Here is a puppy, kill it and drink its blood and we’ll all clap hands and cheer. When you’re done, take this Hummer and run over a class of pre-schoolers.”

Jesus Christ man!


Paris Hilton is picking up her soap

June 7, 2007

I doubt anyone not living under three tonnes of rock have heard that Paris Hilton is in jail, and personally I could not be happier. If there is something that bitch deserves it’s being locked up in a small cell, away from the general public.
Of course, if I were in charge I’d cover the floor and walls in her cell with napalm and watch her burn as I scream “Is THAT hot motherfucker?!”

Seriously though, these things would make my day:

  • Paris Hilton gets shanked. She doesn’t necessarily have to die or anything, just get a few quick stabs to the stomach. Let her try to be all smug when she is pooping in a bag.
  • Paris Hilton is forced to watch the clip of Sarah Silverman make fun of her sentence 24 hours a day, causing her to snap. (Paris Hilton snap? Oh that’s a stretch)
  • Rumors say that Paris has stopped eating. Keep it up bitch! With her girth she should be dead within a few hours.
  • Did I say making Paris watch Sarah Silverman would be fun? Scratch that, make her listen to her own god damn record 24/7 instead. There is only so much “Stars are blind” one can take. Personally, I have a brain aneurysm after 6 seconds.
  • So, in conclusion: Good luck Paris. I will love you no matter what you do. You are a beautiful human being, and the world would be a better place if more people were like you.
    No wait, that was wrong. Fuck you Paris! Yeah, that sounds more like me.


    Stupid feminists and their stupid ideas…

    May 15, 2007

    Just kidding, I just wanted to get your attention.
    I felt I had to write a reply to this post by my better half.

    So I’ll split up my response in several parts. First, I hate the use of men as in “men will always want to repress womans sexuality“. A sentence like that implies that ALL men want to repress all women, and that is simply just not true.
    I’m not going to say that women aren’t repressed and that a lot of men do not repress women. Any moron would know that this is the case. Women and men are not treated equal anywhere, period. I just dislike when people say that all men are responsible for [insert horrible thing here]. We’re not the fucking Borg.

    Second, I firmly believe that no matter how rich or poor you are, it is a human right to have access to proper health care and good education. Money should not have any say in whether you can go to school or see a doctor, and I’m perfectly willing to pay higher taxes to help not only myself but others as well. The question therefore is: Should we all share the cost of womens tampons or pads?

    Fact is that women have their period not because of men but because of nature. They’re just built that way. So, my knee jerk reaction is “Hell no, I shouldn’t as a man have to pay for that! It’s not my fault you bleed!”
    Maybe a better solution is that women earning below a certain minimum will get their feminine products paid for. Maybe all women should share the cost, or maybe I’m talking out of my ass and the best solution actually is to have the entire population, male and female share it. If we’re striving for equality both sex should share the burden, no? I truly don’t know what I think at this point.
    Am I critical of the suggestion just because I’m a man and this does not affect me? Perhaps. Actually that is probably exactly why. If something comes up where men have to pay for something each month just for being men, would my opinion be different? Probably. This leads me to suspect that my hesitation is all because of me being cheap, and I’m sorry but that is not a good enough reason. Unless you’re a heartless dick, which I’m trying not to be.

    Next statement, would pads and tampons be free if men had periods? I don’t think so actually and I don’t really know where that assumption comes from. I can’t really think of anything men get for free today that women don’t. If there is something, let me know.

    Lastly, ignoring the last comment about men repressing women, I agree that birth control should be free. The earth is overpopulated as it is. A couple that kills babies together stays together. Over and out.